Don’t you get it, Danny? Now we can pack up and move just like that.
Sure, maybe it’s a little spartan, but think of the convenience! I’ve consolidated our entire house into a series of lightweight, portable briefcases. That’s the beauty of Spiderlegs.
No, your mom is going to absolutely love it. Don’t like the neighbors? Well, saddle up, Cindy Lou, because every single item of furniture in our house is now a Spiderlegs folding table or chair. My office? Spiderlegs. Our living room? Spiderlegs. Our dining room? Spiderlegs. Spiderlegs everywhere. Now, if that little feud of your mother’s with Mrs. Potts next door gets any worse, we can pretty easily bolt.
These beauties will fold up at the drop of a hat. It takes maybe three seconds — five at the outside — and you’ve gone from the sturdiest bench you’ve ever put your butt on to a wooden carrying case that only weighs twelve pounds. We could have this whole house broken down and ready to be emptied out quicker than a speakeasy with a squealer. What better way to say to your neighbors “I really don’t appreciate that tree you planted next to the property line” than by ducking out like a thief in the night, leaving only the tattered remains of that above-ground pool we never finished rotting in the backyard, in full view of Mrs. Potts’ veranda? We could be out of here in an hour, Danny.
Seriously. This chair folds faster than a pair of twos on a fifty-thousand-dollar pot. You could break an office down in under eight seconds if you had to. Not saying that you’ll have to.
And then, the next thing you know, we’re holing up in an apartment in Reno, ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. Spiderlegs lets you set up and tear down quick and easy. And it’s not just practical, kiddo — look at that finish! That’s red mahogany over the choicest birch solids. Birch, Danny. And they even do custom sizes! Yessirree Bob. This is the furniture for us.
Yup, I’ve pulled out all the stops, and the moment — the moment — your mother says the word we are going to be out of here.
I’m just saying we might need to cool our heels in Mexico for a while.
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