Posts Tagged 'appliancesconnection' presents “Sweet, Sweet Justice.”

You’ve had enough. You’ve played their game.

We’ve all endured the tyranny of the hotel minibar, and it has gone too long. The overpriced bags of mixed nuts. The heinously expensive soft drinks. The gold-plated thing of candy beans. All of it unmarked. All of it tempting. And you, me, everyone, caught in the trap: we want a beverage, but we don’t want to go anywhere. It’s all right there — so we eat and drink our fill, only to be slapped with the charges when we check out.

Thirty-dollar candy beans, people. That’s how they get you.

But no more. Now, we need no longer submit. Now, we have a minibar of our own: the Danby DBC120BLS Beverage Center. It’s the hotel minibar, but free*, at home, and stocked with the things you love. Because you stocked it.

You’ve got so many possibilites.

You can keep it next to your couch when you watch baseball, full of brewskis for all your friends. You can keep it full of chilled trail mix, if that’s a thing you happen to enjoy. But you know what I suggest? Take it with you when you go on vacation, sit it right next to the hotel’s own, and use it instead. Fill its three black-wire shelves with full-size versions of every mini-thing they stick in there, taking full advantage of its 120-can capacity and 43F to 57F temperature range with the built-in mechanical thermostat, and enjoy your vacation. You don’t need to live in fear of the bill, buddy, because you came prepared.

That sound there? That low hum? Sure, it’s the sound of the motor keeping your drinks nice and cool. But it’s also the sound of sweet, sweet justice. Of minibar restockers with nowhere to put their wares. Of  maids wondering at the indentations in the carpet. Of hotel managers sobbing as they pace the hallways, wondering how their stranglehold on late-night snack satisfaction has at long last been crushed.

Put a hanger on the door: “Do not tread on me.” Also, you do, in fact, want turndown service.

Summer vacation just got a lot more palatable.

Stick it to those hotel chains at

*The stuff you put in it is free. You still have to buy the beverage center. presents “A Grill for the Fallen”

Ah, spring. The air is crisp. The birds are a-singin’. The clouds, white full, amble across the brightest cerulean blue sky you’ve ever seen. And Commander Bill “Space Ace” MacTaggart  is relaxing for the first time in what feels like years, flipping burgers on his Weber natural gas grill.

Was it really just a few weeks ago that he finally triumphed over Agaz-Umatah in that seemingly endless battle at Omega Rex? Had it been less than a month since he piloted  the California into the gaping maw of the Death Caw? He’d worked for so long, an entire lifetime it seemed, to finally rid the galaxy of its most profound existential threat, but now the work was over. Now, he could kick back, enjoy the most horrifyingly opulent government pension ever issued, and worry about nothing more pressing than making sure the burgers cooked evenly on both sides.

Oh, and they’d be cooking evenly. The Weber Genesis-series grill’s Flavorizer bars and stainless steel cooking grates would see to that. Those sear marks meant quality, he thought to himself. What a difference from the blaster sears that pocked the walls of his ship after that last firefight. Then, they signified only death, but here — a celebration of life. Of spring.

His whole surviving crew was with him, ready to eat the bounty about to come forth from its porcelain-enameled lid and expansive warming rack. Everything would be just right, he knew; he had been monitoring the cooking temperature on the lid-mounted thermometer. Nothing would go wrong. Nothing could go wrong. His wife by his side, his kids playing, his crew toasting the fallen — everything was as perfect as it could be.

The time for mourning was over. The time for family, fun, burgers, and 38,500 BTUs of grilling power was here.

Commander MacTaggart smiled. Thanks to this grill, it was a perfect day.

Star commander or no, you too can grill to the memory of your comrades at presents “The Ninth of Thermador”

Bobby, hold on. Can I talk to you for a minute? You can run to lunch right after.

Ok, so, I got your paper. I had assigned you to do a report on the Thermidorian Reaction, you know, the 1794 internal revolt within the Committee of Public Safety that overthrew Robespierre and the Reign of Terror during the French Revolution. When I assigned this, I had expected some pretty basic features — the Montagnard conspiracy, Jean-Lambert Tallien’s scathing denunciation on the floor of the Hall of Liberty, Antoine Saint-Just speechless before his enemies. You know, the bare outline of the coup. Not even any terribly interesting insights.

You know what I got? Let me just read this.

“The Thermador Pro-Harmony PRL486GDH Pro-Style Gas Range is a marvel of domestic engineering. Revolutionary in its scope, its Star burners provide unparalleled evenness in cooking and  its Quick-Clean Base allows for easy cleanup. Along with rust-proof titanium construction and cast iron grating, it also has a truly massive oven capacity at 4.4 cubic feet.”

Bobby, is this serious? Thermidor, Thermador. I get it. But did you honestly think I wanted a report on major household appliances for our unit on the French Revolution? I don’t care how evenly the Star-burners heat, or the optimal coverage they provide for pots and pans of any size. I don’t care about the powerful 22,000 BTU baking burners, or its superior convection function, or its removable griddle. I expected a report on a major moment of French Revolutionary history.

Although this oven does sound pretty nice. Does it seriously have a 1630 watt electric griddle? And full access telescopic racks? Man. That’s nuts. This really sounds like something I could use.

But that’s no excuse. You gave me two pages about a gas stove rather than seven pages about the downfall of Robespierre, and that can’t — it has simmer options that range between 375 to 3,500 BTU? And a thermostatically controlled grill?

Ok, Bobby. I’ll let it slide this time. But next time you pull something like this, it better be about a pretty awesome juicer.

The revolution is never-ending at where the Thermador PRL486GDH Pro Harmony 48″ Pro-Style Gas Range is still available. presents “The World’s Greatest Leprechaun”

Skippy McShamrock was, undoubtedly, the world’s greatest leprechaun.  He would, in a few short years, completely revolutionize his people’s way of life. No more cobbling, no more hiding pots of gold. Those were the old ways, for the old men, who still kept both their red beards and the old seasons, who waxed and waned with the year.

“This is a new age,” he would say, “and those traditions are dead. We need no longer wait, no longer hide. We are entrepreneurs in the world’s fastest-growing industry!” Everything about him screamed progress, future, success, technology. He kept a smartphone. He kept his wealth in banks. He didn’t feel the need to taunt and mock — this was the end of the mischievous leprechaun of old. No, all the old things have passed away.

No more the artisanal furnishings; in his office, McShamrock kept only the most modern decor by Euro Style. Everything, from his desk to his couch to the delicately engineered sculptures he kept  by his window, was furiously modern. He liked to keep things minimalist; it made him feel like he was falling — no, racing — into the future. McShamrock had no truck with tradition. He was a revolution unto himself.

He poured himself a brandy into a stark and geometric glass — no more pink hearts, orange stars, and yellow moons for him, for this was fast becoming a changed world — and reflected on how he kept his home the same way. Enough of the old hobbit holes! His was a modernist poem in leather and glass. He kept it clean and undistracted, with his curved, single-piece glass console table, and his Valencia leather lounge chair. He was determined to make a strong fashion statement: this was the time for the new.

He looked out of his window, at the vast expanse of Leprechaun society below him, the bustling mess of horse carts and automobiles, the roughspun peasants and the burgeoning middle-class. They looked only to themselves. But Skippy McShamrock was a great man. He looked only forward.

Don’t let Skippy McShamrock think he’s better than you; all of the above items are available for sale at presents “Hey you! Get in here!”

Listen, kid! This is a newspaper, and that is news! A super-powered vigilante swinging up and down the city? He’s a menace, and I don’t care that you’ve got a big midterm coming up  — I expect photos on my Butler Connoisseur’s Writing Desk in time for the morning edition! You can sleep when you’re dead!

You may be just a freelance photographer, but I write your checks, and I sign them right here, on top of this warm chestnut finish! These Gemelina solids are putting you through college to that fancy-pants science degree, and I expect you to do what I say, and when I say I want top-notch photos of Bug-Man or Web-Lad or whatever he’s calling himself before the crack of dawn, you had better get me those photos before the crack of dawn! 

It took me a lifetime of work to earn my place behind these delicate gold highlights and dovetailed storage drawers, so don’t be a slacker!

I’m a busy man, too! I like nothing more than going home and kicking up my feet on my Butler Metalworks Octagonal Cocktail Table, but instead I’m here burning the midnight oil! I expect no less from my photographers, especially with that insect-themed threat endangering this city! Why, he could drop out of the sky at any moment! The public needs to be informed, and not even it’s distressed cherry veneers or hand-forged metal base can pull me away, so I won’t have you slouching just because you need to brush up on particle physics!

I swear, if I don’t get enough photos from you to fill up my Artists’ Originals Tobacco Leaf Chest, you will be out of here as sure as it’s rich brown finish was applied by skilled artisans! Why, that masked troublemaker managed to take out half a city block in Midtown during his fight with that Doctor Whatsisface maniac, and I need your photos to expose him for the plague he is! And I’ll do it, too, or my name isn’t —

Hey. Where’d the kid go? Always vanishing on me, that one. presents “They Fight Crime!”

So. The ratings are low, ad revenue is down, and you need a hit on the cheap. Something we can explode out of the gate without needing a huge budget. Well, have I got an idea for you:

The Incompletes. He’s a down-on-his-luck ex-truck driver from the wrong side of the tracks who plays by his own rules. She’s a fast-talking expert statistician with a gambling addiction and nothing left to lose. Together, they’re taking down Jaros Zarka’s criminal syndicate — one bastard at a time. It’s 21 Jump Street meets CSI meets Hill Street Blues meets NYPD Blue. And the best part? Everybody in it is nine years old.

We can skimp on the sets by scaling everything down so that the kids look like adults. It’s genius. And I know just how to do it: Fun Furnishings. These are teeny-tiny, kid-sized furnishings perfect to help scale the set down. We can do sofas, chairs, and, um, beanbags. Nothing says “prime time vigilante drama” like a well-placed beanbag chair. It just screams action and drama. And even if it doesn’t — it’s not like we’re spending a lot of money on this.

They’re perfectly scaled, inexpensive, and made entirely out of lightweight, flame-retardant foam. And they have unmatched versatility — the sofas and chairs fold out into sleepers, so they can double as beds! All we have to do is get the foley guys or whoever to pick ’em up and move ’em to over to another part of the set, toss a blanket down, and boom! We got a bedroom! Perfect for our grizzled heroes to angst about how they’re gonna stop Zarka’s latest nefarious operation.

And there are so many different colors and patterns — our sets will never get boring even we stay under budget! The kids will be engaged in full-on pitched battles over colorful sofas in Zarka’s decadent office. Sure will look great in HD! And for more somber scenes? The Central Park Sleeper Sofa‘s got that covered, too.

I can see it already. Right where ER used to air, we put on The Incompletes — no, they won’t be able to tell they’re kids. Just stick fake goatees on ’em and nobody’ll be able to tell the difference.

The viral marketing alone will make us millions. presents “Just a Regular Cowboy”

I do believe I am the rootin’est-tootin’est buckaroo ever to muster cattle in Branford County. I drive them steer up and down the river, mud everywhere and coverin’ everything, stinkin’ to high heaven with that musty smell you only ever get from cattle. I sleep in the ditches and dirt, warmed by the fire, comforted only by the thought that when I get home, I’ll be greeted by the most striking, elegant accent pieces west of the Mississippi.

Now, this may not be la-dee-da New York City, but after weeks on horseback and eatin’ beans from a can, it does me good to remember that my ranch cabin is most elegantly accoutered, and that right next to the bull whips and muddy boots — well, not right next to — I’ve got these absolutely lovely handmade, blown-glass sculptures.

I get covered in filth and loam, and Lord knows that’s how a man’s s’posed to be. Yesirree, I’m a salt-of-the-earth sorta fella, who works with dirty hands and saddle sores. I eat my steak rare, culled from the herd, lookin’ out over the Rio Grande. My hands are calloused, my boots worn, my hat broken-in and blown. That’s why  I keep home full of singing angels, elegant, furiously modern candlesticks, and these spectacular wall sconces. When I walk in from a month-long cattle drive, it’s good to know I’m the only cowboy with enough interior design sense to accent the whole dusty frontier image with beige and caramel glass decor.

No, mounted horns and horseshoes above the door just ain’t for me. If I’m gonna work like a cowboy, well, by Golly I’m gonna live like I’m on Park Avenue. Care for some brie? presents “The Mummy’s Curse”

Listen. I understand. You were just enjoying your vacation to Egypt, taking a nice stroll around the Valley of the Kings. You certainly didn’t intend to desecrate anything, did you? No, of course not. And when you stumbled — by accident, of course — into the tomb of Sheteptawy, did you mean to break a couple a of canopic jars? No. That would be ridiculous.

But it’s what happened, and now you need to deal with it. You broke those jars, and now you’re under Sheteptawy’s curse. So we have a couple of options here: either you can spend the rest of your life in abject terror because that old priest of Set is about to shamble around the next corner, arms outstretched, with his dead eyes filled with the certitude of his revenge, or we can take steps to keep you safe. And I have just the solution: Ecosmart Fire.

Stop crying. Everyone knows that mummies hate fire. I mean, well, I guess everybody hates fire, but mummies? Mummies are literally dried-out corpses from the middle of the desert. They’ll go up like kindling. So the best way to feel safe is to trick out your house with these bioethanol indoor fireplaces that flame up with the flip of a switch. If Shetaptawy does go ahead and show up, you just turn these babies on and he’ll run screaming into the night. Or lumber awkwardly away moaning into the night. Either way, he’ll be somebody else’s problem.

And we can outfit your place in whatever mummy-deterring arrangement suits you best. They’ve got both wall-mounted and free-standing models. Tactically speaking, I think the free-standing ones give you more versatility, but there’s something to be said for the drama of having the walls set aflame at your command. Ole Sheteptawy might think you’re Ra himself when he sees the room light up with the flick of your wrist. It’s both an effective mummy deterrent and a convenient, elegant way to light your home, so I mean, this is win-win, buddy.

And they’re all fueled by bioethanol, a renewable, environmentally-friendly energy source, which means that you don’t need to worry about planet Earth when you’re worrying about Numero Uno. The only emissions are heat, steam, and carbon dioxide — which is, I’m told, also effective at keeping away the undead. The bioethanol creates a beautiful dancing flame sure to terrify any mummy that sees it. And the freestanding ones don’t need any installation at all — you just set ’em up, turn ’em on, and watch as sweet security descends upon your homes: now perpetually mummy free.

The best part is that, once you’ve dispatched Sheteptawy once and for all, you’ve still got the most spectacular lighting displays of anyone else in town.

So maybe it’s not a curse after all! presents “Spiderlegs Everywhere”

ImageDon’t you get it, Danny? Now we can pack up and move just like that.

Sure, maybe it’s a little spartan, but think of the convenience!  I’ve consolidated our entire house into a series of lightweight, portable briefcases. That’s the beauty of Spiderlegs.

No, your mom is going to absolutely love it. Don’t like the neighbors? Well, saddle up, Cindy Lou, because every single item of furniture in our house is now a Spiderlegs folding table or chair. My office? Spiderlegs. Our living room? Spiderlegs. Our dining room? Spiderlegs. Spiderlegs everywhere. Now, if that little feud of your mother’s with Mrs. Potts next door gets any worse, we can pretty easily bolt.

These beauties will fold up at the drop of a hat. It takes maybe three seconds — five at the outside — and you’ve gone from the sturdiest bench you’ve ever put your butt on to a wooden carrying case that only weighs twelve pounds. We could have this whole house broken down and ready to be emptied out quicker than a speakeasy with a squealer. What better way to say to your neighbors “I really don’t appreciate that tree you planted next to the property line” than by ducking out like a thief in the night, leaving only the tattered remains of that above-ground pool we never finished rotting in the backyard, in full view of Mrs. Potts’ veranda? We could be out of here in an hour, Danny.

Seriously. This chair folds faster than a pair of twos on a fifty-thousand-dollar pot. You could break an office down in under eight seconds if you had to. Not saying that you’ll have to.

And then, the next thing you know, we’re holing up in an apartment in Reno, ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. Spiderlegs lets you set up and tear down quick and easy. And it’s not just practical, kiddo — look at that finish! That’s red mahogany over the choicest birch solids. Birch, Danny. And they even do custom sizes! Yessirree Bob. This is the furniture for us.

Yup, I’ve pulled out all the stops, and the moment — the moment — your mother says the word we are going to be out of here.

I’m just saying we might need to cool our heels in Mexico for a while.

President’s Day Sale At AppliancesConnection

President's Day Sale At AppliancesConnection

President's Day Sale At AppliancesConnection

In celebration of Presidents day, AppliancesConnection is offering 25% off on qualifying appliances, plus get free in-home delivery and no sales tax if you are not from NY State. Also, you can save more by using the coupon codes and the rebates. Additionally, AppliancesConnection is offering an installation allowance of $75. A few of the brands are having their own rebates, like Bosch, Fisher & Paykel, Frigidaire and GE Cafe.

Bosch is offering a $300 mail in rebate on its cooktops and a $200 mail in rebate on the dishwashers.

Fisher & Paykel is offering a free 3 year warranty when you buy a dishwasher. Get $200 off on the cooktops and oven packages.

Get up to $500 off on qualifying GE Cafe appliances and $750 off on selected GE Caf appliance packages.

Get up to $325 rebate with qualifying purchase of appliances; Get $125 off on Refrigerators, $100-$75 off on Ranges, $50-$25 off on Microwave and $40 off on Top Freezer. Get $100 rebate on Frigidaire Affinity Steam Washer and matching Dryer. And up to 10% off on the qualified professional series appliances.

Get up to $500 rebate on delivery with LG appliances. Buy 2 appliances and get $100 off on delivery and installation. Buy 3 appliances and get $300 off on delivery and installation. Buy 4 appliances and get $400 off on delivery and installation and when you buy 5 appliances and get $500 off on delivery and installation.(Starts February 16, 2012)

Buy a Blomberg Refrigerator and a Blomberg Dishwasher and get $200 mail in rebate.(Starts February 16, 2012)

Receive $100 mail in rebate on 2 selected Kitchenaid appliances. Get $200 mail in rebate on 3 selected KitchenAid appliances. Get $400 mail in rebate on 4 selected KitchenAid appliances. Get $500 mail in rebate on 5 selected KitchenAid appliances. Get $700 mail in rebate on 6 selected KitchenAid appliances. Get a BONUS $100 Rebate on a select bonus Side-by-Side or Bottom-Freezer Refrigerator purchased as part of this promotion OR BONUS $300 Rebate on a select bonus Built-In Side-by-Side or Built-In Bottom-Freezer Refrigerator purchased as part of this promotion.(Starts February 16, 2012)

Receive up to a $600 with purchase of 2 or more qualifying Whirlpool appliances. Get a $100 rebate on 2 selected Whirlpool appliances. Get $300 rebate on 3 selected Whirlpool appliances. Get $400 rebate on 4 selected Whirlpool appliances. Get $500 rebate on 5 selected Whirlpool appliances. Plus a BONUS $100 Rebate on a select bonus Refrigerator purchased as part of this promotion.(Starts February 16, 2012)

Receive up to a $600 with purchase of 2 or more qualifying Maytag appliances. Get $100 rebate on 2 selected Maytag appliances. Get $300 rebate on 3 selected Maytag appliances. Get $400 rebate on 4 selected Maytag appliances. Get $500 rebate on 5 selected Maytag appliances. Plus as BONUS save $100 Rebate on a select bonus Refrigerator purchased as part of this promotion.(Starts February 16, 2012)

Receive up to a $400 American Express Reward Card with purchase of qualifying Electrolux Laundry Appliances.(Starts February 16, 2012)

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