I have a crazy theory.
Actually, I have lots of crazy theories. I’m fairly certain Wyoming doesn’t exist, that the government is behind NASA, that English is actually a form of Dutch, that Jimmy Hoffa never died and is in fact Carol Channing, and that the Internet doesn’t work, and the fact that it looks like it does is just a staggering coincidence. I’m also fairly certain none of those are true, but hey, it’s fun to dream.
My current crazy theory is that every single Journey song is about an appliance in the Appliances Connection catalog. Some of these are pretty obvious (can there be ANY DOUBT that “La Raza del Sol” is about the Friedrich SH20M50A air conditioner? “He’s a proud man / He loves a girl / With eyes that sparkle like diamonds…” DEFINITELY the Friedrich SH20M50A).
So I’m going to break down how these ten huge Journey hits are really about some of our wares. This is the truth. This is the secret history of Journey.
“Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin'”
Bosch SHP65T55UC
http://www.appliancesconnection.com/bosch-shp65t55uc-i318588.html
This famous song may seem like it’s about the horrors infidelity can wreck upon a relationship, but look closely; in fact, the song is obliquely decrying the inferior performance of off-brand knockoffs; it’s “tearin’ me apart, oh every everyday” when “you’re out with someone else.” And of course it does! The Bosch SHP65T55UC dishwasher offers a stainless steel bin featuring EcoSense wash management and the adjustable RackMatic system. Why would you go anywhere else? If you use a lesser dishwasher, “it’s your turn, girl, to cry.”
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“Stone in Love”
LG LDG3036ST
http://www.appliancesconnection.com/lg-ldg3036st-i317271.html?ref=best-sellers-page
What may look on the surface like a straightforward song about teen love is actually so much more. All one needs to do is read between the lines to see a song truly rooted in one’s admiration and love for the performance of the LG LDG3036ST Large Capacity Double Gas Oven.
Those crazy nights, I do remember in my youth
I do recall, those were the best times, most of all
Truly, what he recalls is the time when, as a young man, he first laid eyes upon this units two cavernous oven cavities and five-burner cooktop.
Burnin’ love comes once in a lifetime
She found me singing by the rail road track
Took me home, we danced by moonlight
Could this be any more explicitly about the unit’s 16,000 BTU of cooking power, and the delights of making that first roast?
Those summer nights are callin’,
stone in love
Can’t help myself I’m fallin’
stone in love
I know I sure fell “stone in love” for this unit, and clearly so has Steve Perry.
“Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)”
Samsung Appliance WF365BTBGWR
http://www.appliancesconnection.com/samsung-appliance-wf365btbgwr-i290144.html
There is a secret wisdom in “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart),” available only to the initiate. But if you come closely, I will whisper in your ear the truth of this song. It is the truth of a thousand ages. It is the truth of the Samsung WF365BTBGWR 27″ 3.6 cu.ft. High Efficiency Front-Load Washer. Hidden in code, obscured behind the occultation of imagery and strange magicks, one can see it in the mind’s eye alone.
Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
In vain, vain
Promises were made in vain — by lesser washing machines, that could never clean, and only ever sullied. Using a washer that doesn’t perform is a trouble time, causing confusion and pain. In your eyes is only sadness.
But, the song reassures us, “Someday, love will find you / break those chains that bind you.” Resolution can only be found in the true embrace of love in the WF365BTBGWR’s digital controls, nine wash cycles, delay start system, and strainless steel drum, a message of hope for everyone caught in a wash cycle of madness and pain. For now, you may be separated from a true washing solution, but “true love won’t desert you;” the WF365BTBGWR is always waiting for you.
“Don’t Stop Believin'”
LG LFX25991ST
http://www.appliancesconnection.com/lg-lfx25991st-i205685.html
Turns out “Don’t Stop Believin'” isn’t about appliances. So here’s a top-of-the-line bestselling refrigerator, and some lyrics from the song.
Just a small town girl
Livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
If I really wanted to, I could make the case that these verses are about the 3-Tier Organization Freezer system, which helps keep your food organized and accessible, making it easy to prioritize the contents of your freezer effectively. I could say that the freezer is the “lonely world,” and “South Detroit” is the extra space provided by the LG Slim SpacePlus Ice System, but it isn’t. There is no South Detroit. South of Detroit is Windsor, Ontario.
Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
These lyrics mean exactly what they say. None of it is about LG’s SmartPull handle, which makes opening and closing the freezer quick and easy with the effortless life of a handle, or the unit’s cavernous 24.5 cu. ft. capacity. Neither does it have anything to do with the Smart Cooling Plus technology it utilizes, maintaining superior conditions throughout. “Don’t Stop Believin'” has nothing at all to do with this or any refrigerator, and this refrigerator has nothing to do with “Don’t Stop Believin’,” unless it falls out that Neal Schon happens to own one.
Say….
Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night
Has anyone else ever had they idea that we should be actively marketing our products toward Journey lead guitarist Neal Schon? Neal Schon, if you’re out there reading this, call us. Let us sell you a refrigerator. Your guitar solos are amazing, so please buy a refrigerator from us. If I can make it so that this blog post leads to Neal Schon actually purchasing a refrigerator from Appliances Connection, my life will have been worth living.
I’m going to make this my personal mission. It doesn’t even have to be a particularly expensive refrigerator. It would just be pretty balla if we did some business with the lead guitarist from Journey.
We can do it. We can sell Neal Schon a refrigerator. All we have to remember is one simple bit of advice.
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to the feelin’
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